Being in a state of contentment where I can make it through most of the day without being discontent is far from my comprehension, let alone living in that contentment. Sitting at the Lord’s feet waiting PATIENTLY for my next instruction, if I'm being honest, blows my mind. How much stuff do I own that I don't even need? How many things did I buy just to buy? Endless. There are currently about 20 boxes sitting in my room at my parents house filled with stuff that I had in my old apartment. Things that I didn't need but bought for the sake of buying them. When packing my things to come here to Guatemala, about .5% of that stuff came with me. About .5% of that stuff I actually found useful in my day to day life. It has taken me a long time to realize that contentment isn't found in worldly items nor anything else of the world. It is something that I have to keep giving to the Lord every day. I have to allow myself to shift my focus and find my contentment in His love and I can only find that at the foot of the cross. I can only find that at the end of myself. I can only find contentment when I fall to my knees knowing that the world has absolutely nothing to offer me. The world is filled with corruption, greed, pride, lust, selfishness, ect. I will never be content in the world and the more I realize that the closer I am to where the Lord is calling me to be. The closer I am to finding my contentment in the Lord and the Lord alone.
The Lord’s heart is a vast ocean of love and mercy but more often than not I forget how deep and how wide that is. Both bitterness and jealousy are things that I struggle with on a daily basis. I have a hard time forgiving people the same way that my Savior forgave me. I struggle to not be jealous of the people around me. Being a girl there is always something telling me me that I have to be the prettiest and that I have to be the skinniest, but why? If the Lord is perfection He can not possibly create word that is imperfect. “I praise, you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. My soul knows it very well.” My God doesn't make mistakes. Selfishness is another one of those things that can try to take root in my life. I can look at what I think I have and think that I cant give that up because I worked so hard for it. But you know what, it wasn't my work. Nothing that I do has ever been done in my own power. All of my power is of the Lord and who am I...
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